So yesterday I was driving to a rendition of Beyonce’s XO by a guy on the TV show The Voice. This song was definitely one of my favorite songs on the album, it really just always makes me feel relaxed and happy on the inside. It wasn’t a song that made me feel like I connected to anyone or anything specific jut an internal version of calm. Until Today.
Today, I count myself blessed for God to have allowed me to stay on this planet an additional 15 years than what anyone thought would be possible. This was only made possible from the loving Gift of Transplant that was given by a family that let their love show even in a dark time.
This young man who made my life possible was 20 years old and his wishes to be an organ donor was granted by his family. I used to always wonder who he would become. I spent many years focusing on the loss of this life, focusing on believing I had to make up for my own and his. In status, and accomplishment, in things that only could be seen tangibly. For his life to be relevant through myself. Oftentimes feeling as if I had failed us both.
I am slowly taking time to shift this thinking though. I wonder now who he was. How many people loved him, was he in love? How did he love others and if I can shine brightly enough for us both. Was his heart intent positive toward people, did he like to take care of others. Did he have hobbies, passion and drive, things that made him happy. THESE things, these thoughts are what I choose now to instill within myself in order to honor his memory.
So for his family and mine, In, my own rendition of this song.
In the Darkest Night Hour.
We Searched through the crowd.
Our faces were all that you saw, give us everything
Baby Love me Lights out. You can turn my lights out.
The permission of darkness was designed in order to give me life and light. I will love enough for us both. I will serve enough for us both. I will love you All, I will speak life and light. I will inspire and grow. For maybe, just maybe I was honored to stay here in order to Light a bonfire of flame of happiness and encouragement. A flame that only two fires touching could ignite.….. XOXO

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Conversations with Sebatian- World Cup Edition

Yesterday on the way home I decided to call my Dad, Ive been trying to do this once or twice a week, just to check in on him, and because some reason my heart just tells me to. This is what ensued.

Me: Hey Daddy!!! How are you
Him: Im good how are you
Me: OK, just headed home from work, Whacha doin!?
Him: Oh just here watching the USA play Belgium in Soccer
Me: Ooooh, yes some people at work were watching it, who is winning?
Him: Oh they already played a 90 min set, score is 0-0 they have extended it to another 30 min and if no one scores then they will have a shoot out
Me: Awh man that sounds like a good game!
Him: Yes it is, our boys looks tired though… Wait Wait OOOOHHHH NOOOOOO Belgium just scored. Dee Dee why did you call me???!!!!
Me: Huh?
Him: Everything was fine before you called me, we had HOPE, we were going to make it!!!! the only thing that changed is that you called me.
Me: Really Dad, the entire USA has to blame me for loosing the World Cup
Him: Yes.
Me: Blank Face that he cannot see
Him: Child, seriously, why did you call…..


Signing out,
Deanna Amarica

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Whole 30 Wrap Up

So I finished my WHOLE30 challenge on April 15th. I couldn’t believe I actually completed it. After the first two weeks I didn’t post as much because physically not too much was going on. But I Did start seeing mental shifts and learning more in the last two weeks. I wanted to do a complete Wrap Up so here it goes.


1. I started getting irked by hearing the social lies and fake escapes we tell ourselves through food. ” Girl I deserve this chocolate”, ” I just HAVE TO HAVE  <insert anydamnthing>, “I couldn’t do what you are doing”. Dont get me wrong, these are social lies and escapes I will probably continue to tell myself over my life but for some reason I finally just noticed it was a lie. Now, there are times we accept lies in order to cope with whatever, but more than anything it taught me unhealthy thinking that doesn’t get checked, can get out of control or lead to continuing bad habits and essentially lead to unhealthy lives.

2. I now know what to do and have a plan for the future. After my reintroduction phase of trying foods I plan on living primarily a Paleo diet the goal is about 75% of what I eat or more should be Paleo compliant, and at least once a year do another Whole30 for cleansing purposes. I now have practice on how to eat well as an adult, what to transition to, and the realization that I need to buy stock in Organic Almonds….


3. We Eat Mindlessly and Without Purpose.  I didn’t realize how much until the Jar of Hershey kisses on my bosses desk started calling my name. Until I had to pass on the birthday cake and cupcakes handed out at least once a week at work. Until I couldn’t put copious amounts of sugar in my coffee. Until I seriously chose an apple over a cinnabon in the car dealership waiting room.  We eat because its there, because its offered because its community and because its comforting, but not because it is good for us. I learned how to say No Thank You and had to be faced with continuous wise choices. And I think in overall aspects of life I am better for it which brings me to my next point.

4. I Learned How to say No.  I went home to Florida two weeks before I started this challenge and my dad Preached a Sermon, now I cant tell you what the title of the sermon was. But i recall him saying the following simple and profound statement. “Saying No is a Practice” How and why that stuck with me I don’t know, but it did. I needed that. More than I thought I would. When my mom asked me how I was able to get through I told her my Dad gave me the words I needed that I would say every day for 30 days usually multiple times a day.

5. People Don’t Know What the Hell To Do With You. Some people will say Great Job and be encouraging. Most. Won’t. For whatever reason, because it sounds unreasonable, Because its a practice of denying yourself, Because you reflect a truth in them they don’t want to face. Then there are the intermediate people. They want to make it known they cant do what you are doing and keep asking you how its going and you cant tell if they are for you or waiting for you to say you messed up so they can feel better. Luckily I had quite a few people genuinely checking in and rooting for me. The text messages I got and the Congrats and Keeping it up helped tremendously.

6. I am MOTIVATED. To do, well anything! Whole 9 has amazing points and I now feel like i can do just about anything for 30 days. So I want to do multiple 30 day challenges this year with the intention of learning from each experience and hoping more healthy habits “stick” over time for my life in general.

There is so much more but these things are what have stuck out with me the most! Thank you so much for staying with me through this journey and the rest to come!

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Lisa Harczak and the Trainwreck Two

Just a Reintroduction of Lisa and the Trainwreck 2. Because Obviously I completely skipped over the 22nd. Keep posted every month on the 22nd for new stories from the Trainwreck 2!


Hey guys! I told you I would be bringing a few people along for the ride! Lisa Harczack will be contributing to LifeLoveNRandomness by letting us peek into the lives of her and her amazing two kids! Lucky for us Lisa likes to tell her stories in pictures too, so we will have a lot to share! 


Kids? No way!  I loved my twenties!  Take care of someone else? Up at what time?  No thanks!  I’m what?  Did you just say I was pregnant?  Oh dear, someone pour me a dr….. oh dear.

When I think about being a mom I think about my mom, she was awesome.  She did everything right or at least it seemed to me. My sister and I came out pretty great.  So the way I saw it, I’m sure I could do it too.  People have babies all the time……

I first realized I…

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Whole 30 Day 5…..Angry Cat Status.

Today Is suppossed to be a continuation of a feeling that is described as Kill all Things…. I still think Im just angry about Sugarless Creamless Coffee.

These people were not lying. I just walked into the breakroom at work and someone left a Big ole box of Whitmans Chocolates out that had a eeriliy too cherry post it note that say. “Feel Free to Take Some.” Not one. SOME. Who the hell did this, and why did they think that is ok.

After I fought the intense desire to melt a piece of chocolate down into my coffee and pretend it was just cocoa powder I angrily stirred some coconut milk into hot water and then gave an angry cat face to the supervisor that kept messing with the tv in the breakroom which was messing up my morning peace of listening to the news. Sigh. They all can die for all I care.

I came back to my desk to attemp to make my sugarless coffee better by sprinking cinnamon into it and somehow ended up with this on my desk…..


Which in turn ended up somehow like this on my coffee cup.


Sigh, Its gonna be a long day…..

Signing out,
Deanna Amarica

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Whole 30 Day 4


So According to the Whole 30 timeline today is the day I want to Kill All Things…. Right now the only thing I want to kill is my bladder which is preventing me from actually sleeping all night. 

I dont want to kill anyone……yet, but I am generally slightly More Eeyore with a Side of Pooh. (Sad and Craving Sugar).

Today is Thursday so its in General my Hard day. I leave for work at 6:30 (earlier than normal) and dont get back home till after 11pm. I have to plan extra.

I come in early so I can leave early so I can proceed to go to two college classes.

I am behind in my homework because I am tried. Not sleepy, just simply tired.

Ive been drinking a cup of sleepy tea every night to help actually lull me to sleep instead of just living in perpetural zombie land.

But Lets add something inspiring to the Cause!  My Day 4 Beacuse!



Signing Out

Deanna Amarica

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Even If You Suck….Just Do It

I’ve never  been the smallest girl in the room. For years there was nothing that I could do about that. I started taking prednisone when I was 9 for my medical condition and jumping from 10 mg to 60 could make me gain 15 pounds in 2 weeks. It also made me unusually hungry and I ate way too often.

 In my early 20’s my exercise routine consisted of 2 days a week in the gym and 2 days on somebodys dancefloor.  I never went out to be seen. I went out to literally sweat my perm out. I always left sweaty, Happy, and with stronger legs.

Around the age of 25 my metabolism slowed down, and so did going out and going to the gym and the pounds slowly added.  When I got sick in 2011 I lost 30 pounds but with the concurrent knee injury I gained it all back, plus some.

There are things I have always wanted to do, and I feel like my body has hindered me from those things. Things that I thought I would never be capable of, and simply, I am tired of it. When I realized it wasn’t about getting to a certain size or being a certain weight. I started looking for the best things for my body. To be the healthiest version of myself.

I found Paleo, and something finally just simply made sense.

Eat the Stuff we were made to eat. Which for me means. Eat the Stuff God made us to eat. And then it clicked. It simply made good doggone sense!

I had been dealing with stomach upset almost every time I ate. My afternoon cup of coffee was not a treat but a necessity full of sugar.  I even turned my favorite treat into feeding this habit.  I started FEELING like an addict to processed foods.  Every small thing I ate I was choosing for the next immediate pick me up instead of looking at the whole picture.  


My cousin (who is also a doctor) saw me post on Facebook about Paleo and sent me a Whole 30 approved E- Cookbook.  That’s how I found Whole 30 and I knew as scary as it sounded and hard in my head as it seemed I had to do this, and complete it.

So last month I decided 2 things.

  1. Complete Whole 30 and Post about it the whole dern time
  2. Start training to run a Marathon. (Well a 10K but close enough!…experienced runners don’t kill me…)

Sooooooo anyone who knows me knows my motto has always been I will run to save my life. After my knee injury I totally ruled even that out. If the Zombie Apocalypse came. I would just lay down and surrender. However, my ortho thinks I can, and hell if he thinks I can. I KNOW I can.  I finally got professionally fitted for running shoes today, and seriously considering joining a running group. My life has already shown to be greater than I could have expected this year. Simply because I believe I can. 


Signing Out

Deanna Amarica

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